Trainwreck in the Making. Part I

The NZ Herald, our premier and largest daily “news”paper is embarassingly TMZ-style-obsessed with the goings-on behind the sure-to-be world-class “New Zealand’s Next Top Model’ series trainwreck in the making. Honestly, they should leave that low-brow stuff to less Herald publications. Like D&D.

Another embarassment for our small but proud nation is about to unfold, televised for us all to see.

The original American version is so classless, embarassing and cringe-worthy enough we can’t even start to think about contemplating how imagining how painfully excrutiating the Village’s version will be.

But we’ll hold our breath.

Let's pray. For their sake.

The ugly details unveiled at the Herald this week include

The Best in the West

Ok we were going to leave this sweet lass alone until we actually covered the couple themselves in our upcoming Couplet’s special. But we just. Couldn’t. Resist. Sorry.

It all started when we were innocently minding our own Facebook and ignoring the ads on the right, as you do – when lo and behold, we recognised the model in one of them. All of a sudden we were inflicted by an ad from none other than Ms Carena West. Yes, the ‘brand’ Ms Carena West. Like Coke, or Pepsi – Ms West is now a brand people. A brand that advertises in social media.

The ad is what Facebook call ‘Social Ads’, and we quote Mark Zuckerface himself: “Page Admins will have an opportunity to incrementally increase distribution as well with paid advertising. Paid promotion are the Social Ads created specifically to promote traffic to your Facebook Page.”

Now, it’s one thing to be naturally popular and have a lot of fans – like, say, Flight of the Conchords (497,023 at last count). And then another altogether to start shelling out the dough to recruit to break the 50 mark. D&D posit: how is this different from ‘rent-a-crowd’ for your own 21st? Is it? Hard to tell. Click to see what we’re talking about…

Great Quote from July 2006

From the Metro Magazine MetroLive archives,

“If you were to read nothing else about Auckland but these columns you might believe the place is filled with beautiful people leading terrifically exciting lives of free booze and even freer sex.”

So true.

The Village Couplets: I

Because it was just Valentines day last week, and because everybody loves a good nickname, we thought we’d take it upon ourselves to Brangelina-ise our Top 5 (give or take) selection of the most ‘interesting’ or regularly visible couplets around/from the Village in the coming week(s). Some good, some bad.

We’re open to any suggestions from the crowd btw. And we aren’t really going up to the more ‘mature’ type of people, on the whole we’re just not as interested in them most of the time – the likes of the Hotchin’s, the Sharon-Hunter-Tenby-Powell etc that the bS and Gluc love to fawn over but are not really D&D’s cup of T.

So we chose to start our list with an obvious and topical one: Amber Peebles and the Brooke Howard-Smith. Now we really had to put our thinking caps on for this type of stuff. Takes serious brainpower. Watch. In. Awe.

Ambrooke.

Ambersmith

Peebrooke

Brobles

Broomber

Bramber

After originally going with Broomber we’ve changed our mind and

Declasse Non-Exclusive: “Top” Models at “Party House”. Kill us Now.

And on to other life and death matters in the Village today…Seeby’s properties are hitting the spotlight again this time thru the “Top Models” franchise. Spare us. Please. “Farmers Models”, EziBuy Models” yes – Top, no.

“Secrecy shrouds production of the TV3 reality show, but the Herald on Sunday can reveal the 13 finalists are on lockdown in a $4.3 million clifftop hideaway at Campbells Bay on Auckland’s North Shore.

The home is owned by Seeby Woodhouse – founder of internet service provider Orcon and man-about-town – and boasts dozens of bachelor pad features, including a pool complete with wet bar, indoor and outdoor jacuzzis and a home theatre.

Woodhouse bought the house from the estate of his friend, party-pill millionaire Logan Millar, who committed suicide there in 2007.”

If you must, read the entire tale of garbage it’s here at Top Model hideout’s history of parties, playboys and death – Entertainment – NZ Herald News.

But we warn you – the most amazing fact you will uncover is that:

“The spa…is big enough to hold six people.”

We can’t remember being in a spa that doesn’t hold six people? Hmmm.

Or if you feel like buying this property or any other property Seeby owns, then simple toodle along over here to the “My Properties for Sale” section of Seeby’s personal website.

“http://www.seeby.com/my-properties-for-sale” (nice URL).

They’re all laid out in their splendour for everyone to know just exactly how much money Seeby has and how great all his houses are. It’s all class, all day long at Seeby.com.

Watching Closely in 2009: ‘Our Pip From Masterton.

AKA Ladyhawke. As we start to move beyond the Village and look outwards to those who are doing amazing things – this girl’s a legitimate niche but global player in our eyes and something to be pretty proud of. Probably one of the most interesting ‘break-outs’ of any individual Kiwi out there doing anything in 2009. The type of person we hold up with genuine respect and enthusiastic support.

Not that you all didn’t already know,

Donna Simunovich Rocks to My Top Eight

In a new low for the A-List ranking method/madness in 2009, Donna Simunovich rocks to the Top 8 nicely squeezed in between Aja Rock and Reanin.

We have absolutely nothing against Simunovich; also probably noteworthy that she is most likely relatively minted after the family cash-out in 2004.

But it’s pretty fish-out-of-water – no apologies for the seafaring pun – for her to be side by side with the likes of the others filling the highly coveted 1-10 spots. It’s almost like she’s an innocent by-stander oblivious to the A-list being thrust upon her persona on the internets.

Onwards A-List! Keep up the entertainment.

Welcome to aSmallWorld

In our inaugural post on 11 Questions for 2009 we promised in Q4, to check out…

“Who among the village has genuine WikiCred, and who lives in aSmallworld as expounded by Forbes in all its renowned fabulousness and exclusivity (as touted by the Herald Tribune) ?”

We’ve decided to start first with opening the Kimono on aSW and let your brains hum with wonder while you lap up first of all what this world is all about, and ask around who you may know has the keys and who doesn’t?

Whether aSW means anything to you or not, it exists. And more likely than not, you can’t get in. And those who are in can’t even get you in – unless they have exclusively alloted invite rights which either take serious street cred, long-standing or decent connections.

Follow the globe to visit aSmallworld's decidedly locked doors.

So who’s in?

Well, not that many – althought it’s now definitely in the thousands after having been around for 5 years or more. But those who are include the likes of…the Hiltons, Spencers, von Furstenberg’s, Byrdie Bell, Hearsts, a handful of Churchills, plenty of ex/current sports stars (yes, the AB’s are represented somewhat…), Ivanka Trump, Naomi Campbell (and similarly leggy ubermodels), the Getty’s and the scion of countless powerplayers and titans. Of course, the ultimate true NY-Lon socialites: Tinsley and Minnie Mortimer and similar characters famous for being famous inhabit this little sphere of a strange sort of private social-network on the otherwise very public interwebs.

aSW is literally a ‘small’ world mostly unknown to the majority, we’ll take you inside…and find out the true lay of the land among our local and global New Zealanders…who’s in, who’s out, who’s the most connected, and who’s decidedly unconnected.

We’re pretty convinced we’ll uncover a few genuinely interesting people doing amazing things around the world and at home; probably there’ll be more surprises than the expected, but the most telling names will be those who are simply not present at all.

Going..where exactly?

Question #2 in our 11 Questions for 2009… was: Where did the Gluc’s carefully crafted invention/creation, Pearl Going, disappear to? One minute the “Park Ave Princess” rival to Gilda, the next minute nowhere to be seen?

Well now that we’ve finished up with January, we thought we’d attend to this small but life/death matter – what happened to Pearl Going’s goings-ons buzz in the weekender rags? Back up, who was (is) she anyway? And how did she stay ever reliable ‘Top 10’ in the A-List for umpteen weeks only to all of a sudden drop out of it altogether?

Going..going..gone?

Well it all seemed to have started with the Gluc’s preposterous fluff article here… And why after months of silences are the ‘haters back, and a new fan-site sprouted up from nowhere?  We’re totally unbiased as we don’t know her from Adam – yet.

But we will let you have Pearl’s side of the story in about a week..she’s kindly agreed to open a glimpse into her inexplicably exposed life for us. That’s very nice of her we thought. Stay tuned.